10 pandemic protocols for dating

Back in the day of our grandparents, dating required a chaperone, approval from both parents and a declaration of not only your intention but a practical five-year plan.

With social distancing being encouraged, dating will look and feel different for many for the near future. So, text me about your day.

Things and times have changed as society has relaxed a lot of relationship rules, to now where pretty much anything goes once you don’t come home pregnant.

However, in the time of coronavirus, some people are taking a step back and assessing what they need to do to find a partner and remain safe. Actively dating may now come with new stipulations and maybe even restrictions as you want to put yourself out there but limit just how much ‘out there’ you are.

This requires new protocols that may work for some and seem crazy for others. Have a look, and a laugh, at some of dating’s proposed pandemic practices.

1. There will be no exchange of bodily fluids without a temperature check and a note from your doctor.

Everyone enjoys a good lip-lock, but at the risk of being getting COVID-29, let’s keep it PG.

2. Kisses will be to the forehead or the neck, if we’re feeling naught. Leave the lips alone and do not exhale!

3. No hand holding: You can still go for long walks at dusk, but keep your distance.

4. When it finally gets time to ‘doing the deed’, wear both a condom AND a mask. Temperature check at the door and we still need that doctor’s note.

Condoms aren’t just for preventing pregnancies and STIs anymore!

5. Sexting is a must: I’d love to COVID come through the phone screen!

6. Choose Netflix over going out to the movies: Pop your own corn and rest assured that no one sneezed or cough near it.

7. ‘Dining in’ means you staying home and cooking for your mate.

8. If they are sick and ask you to bring food, kerbside drop-off only. Do get well, but stay away from me.

That movie will be just as good at home as the cinema. And there’s the added bonus of limited interactions and no one talking throughout the film.

9. If they are coughing, sneezing or wheezing, text me in two weeks’ time when that COVID test comes back negative. No one is playing hero for you.

10. If you’re invited to their church, sit in the pew behind them, God helps those who help themselves.