Are more young men settling down or just settling?

They are all under thirty and all married.

Two are Christians and one claimed to be a reformed player who hung up his shoes when he found the right woman. All of these men are married for less than four years and admit that while they are generally happy, they do sometimes miss the excitement of ‘doing road’.

They consented to share their views on settling down. Dwayne is 27 and a member of a Pentecostal church.

“I would probably have waited…but we were encouraged to get married so we did.”

— Dwayne

“I got married at 25 and it has its ups and downs but I am committed to it, as is my wife. We courted for a year and went on supervised and group dates with other Christian couples so as to avoid the temptation of premarital sex. Honestly, I would probably have waited until I finished school and was in a better financial situation but we were encouraged to get married so we did.”

For Dwayne learning to live with someone else other than his siblings was a challenge. “The mood swings, the hair in the basin, the hundred pair of shoes in every colour, and not having much closet space, all was a major change. All of that took some getting used to but I love my wife and I’m going to enjoy getting to know more and more about her over time.”

At age 24 Sean is the father of two children but is unemployed at the moment. He still likes playing video games for hours and does not like changing diapers, so he and his pregnant wife argue a lot.

“Bwoy a nuh this me really did sign up for but me done have kids with her already so what fi do.”

— Sean

Me just a do me ting u seet. She can cook, the sex good and both our families are supportive and help out with the kids so me basically good. If she can learn fi button har lip more time, I would be even happier but me make me bed so…”

Courtney is a youth pastor at a charismatic church in the Old Harbour area, and, as he tells it, nothing can really prepare you for the intricacies of a permanent union such as marriage.

I was not forced to get married but it was the expected thing to do and so I did it.

— Courtney

“I thought I had witnessed enough from older couples and listening to the advice of my own parents who have been married thirty plus years but it was still a lot to take in when I got home from my honeymoon and realised that I am now responsible for a human being other than myself. It was scary. I thought, suppose I fail? So many people are expecting great things from me but what am I wanting of myself?

It was scary. I thought, suppose I fail?

— Courtney

“So many young people are looking to me to set an example but I don’t even know if I can do this. I almost had a panic attack, no joke. My wife is beautiful, caring and compassionate but was I really ready to just be with one person for the rest of my life?

Even as a Christian I struggled…because in the church there are so many attractive females.

— Courtney

Even as a Christian I struggled with that because in the church there are so many attractive females that you have options and not all of them wanted a ring, some outright indicated that they would be down for a good time. People talk about morality and virtue and all of that but we are all human with human emotions, wants and desires.

I was not forced to get married but it was the expected thing to do and so I did it. Am I sorry? No. Should I have waited? Probably. But now that I have sealed the deal I will try to be the best husband I can be because my wife deserves it.” 

— Story written by C.W.