So, you and your significant other had a huge blow-up and broke up …for the 14th time. You are still upset, stopped taking his calls and changed his name in your phone to ‘Satan’. You acknowledge that communication is not your strong suit and that you feel you need to take some time apart to assess if you want to go back with him and work things out. Cool. But two days later you are over his house doing the ‘mattress mambo’. So, what kind of ‘break’ is that?
Intimate without intimacy?
In recent years there seems to be a trend where people claim that they have broken up from their partners but continue to be intimate even though they are not on good or even speaking terms. I do not get it, but maybe it is a millennium thing that older folks cannot relate to. The big question is what exactly constitutes a break and can being intimate without the intimacy really work?
Now, a relationship break is when both parties decide that things are not working out and they need time apart to see if what they have is worth fighting for. Sounds simple enough. Where it gets complicated is when you throw sexual intercourse into the mix. In fact, anything will get messed up when sex makes an impromptu appearance. Few people can continue to have sexual relations and tell themselves that it means nothing but a physical release …and actually mean it.
If you separate but continue to bring sex into the middle of it, well, it kind of defeats the whole purpose of the separation to begin with. Human beings are wired to feel, and feelings spark emotional attachment, which is why it cannot be a safe bet to say I can ‘sex you’ and then watch you drive off and go about your business. If you are trying to make a genuine effort to work out your emotional or even financial issues, stay away from the physical. It can mess with your psychological wiring and cause way more problems than you originally started with because sometimes, in the end, one party may feel used and taken advantage of and that is not a foundation to build anything lasting on.
Intimacy can cloud the best of judgement. If getting a ‘release’ is that important, there are lots of toys on the market for such a purpose. If you stay away from being intimate, you also are able to stay focused on the issues at hand and hopefully work your way back to each other.
The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author. They do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of BUZZ or its employees.