Can a woman really change a man?

You can see his potential and a possible future with him; but what about those little niggling bad habits that keep popping up?

He’s good but you think he could be great…let’s fix that.

If you just change those, then he will be the perfect mate for you. Right?

Unfortunately, many women seem to have this notion that they can change their spouse and transform him into a better version of himself, or at least a version they want him to be.

So can a woman change a man? No, but that doesn’t stop some from trying. It’s so ridiculous to think that you can re-programme another human being into becoming what you want. If you cannot get your own children to comply most days, why do you think you can get a grown adult to alter his personality, worldview, philosophies and habits? There have even been cases where women know men are gay and stubbornly state that they can love them into being straight and so they start a relationship only to get their hearts broken down the road.

You can’t build the person of your dreams, especially if that person does not think there is anything to be changed.

So what is it that women want when they say they wish he would change? Basically they want the opposite of what they have, which begs the question: if you saw what it was from the beginning, why not just keep it moving until the right one came along? Why take up ‘damaged goods’ and then complain about it? We do that because most women are fixers, decorators and builders. We think that if we ask, plead, threaten, coerce or manipulate enough, the other person will change.

None of these things work, even if they say they will. An individual will only make a concerted effort at transformation if they want to or they see the benefit in it. They will not do it for you but rather for themselves. That is when it is sustainable and meaningful.

We cannot build a mate or man to our specification and if we keep pushing we may end up calibrating them back to factory settings. They may become resentment and push back especially if they feel that you found them like that and so should accept them as they are, flaws and all.