Can ‘friends with benefits’ have a real relationship?

Initially the chemistry between you two was off the chart and, for whatever reason, you both agreed it was not going to be anything lasting.

A casual, sexual relationship can become complicated if someone catches feelings.

Call it casual sex with someone you respect and ‘check fah’ but not one to bring around the family. It is always easy to make up these rules about what you want and expect in the early days of a fling but saying it and living it can be two different things, especially if one or both parties ‘ketch feelings’.

A new conversation needs to be had to figure out if you can turn something temporary into happily ever after. It’s best to mull things over, weighing the pros and the cons to see how they tally up in your situation.

Starting as ‘friends with benefits’ has the upside of providing insight into the other person, highlighting traits you may or may not like before pursuing something more serious.

On the plus side, moving from being casual to being committed allows you to see upfront the other side in the potential relationship. In order words, you have already test driven some of the elements and gotten an idea of compatibility, chemistry and conversation. It can also organically transition from a ‘sex thing’ into a real thing…granted you both have to be free and single to make that happen.  

On the flip side, some friends with benefit (FWB) scenarios are best left alone, as water under the bridge can douse even the best of intentions. Some guys have pre-conceived notions of what a relationship should be and how it should look or start and they cannot get past the fact that the person they’re looking to date was once a ‘booty call’.  They do not see the other person as a bonafide relationship material.

Some men, and women, will hesitate to enter a relationship with someone they have already been intimate with, thinking that they have seen and experienced all they have to offer.

Then you have those who would rather not give it a chance and do not want to put the time and effort in to fostering something more. As one savagely phrased it “Man nah go want to buy the cow when they been getting the milk for free.” Ouch!

There are also people you have persons who are not mentally prepared to give what is required to make a relationship flourish. They are not going to check in with you, call to say ‘G’morning’ or ‘Good night’, bring soup if you are sick or care if you are having a bad day at work. They just do not care enough to make the effort to do more than get you naked for the horizontal mambo. And it’s important that you know the difference.