How realistic is a timeline for marriage?

Many females grew up thinking they would marry the man of their dreams.

So, you have your white dress; know your ring size and already found the destination for your beach wedding. All you need now is the groom, but you are still as single as a dollar bill with no prospects in sight.

Handsome prince

Most young girls growing up have their wedding day all planned out early, as those Mills and Boon romance novels and sappy Hallmark movies have done a mental number on us about the handsome prince on the white horse whisking us away to a big castle where we would live happily ever after. No one said that the prince may possibly work at a call centre; have a receding hairline, have bad teeth and not be interested in tying the knot any at all. The idea that prince charming may not want our fairy-tale wedding never occurred to us, but now the age we had set for ourselves to be blissfully wed is about to pass us by and most do not have a plan B.

But how realistic is it to have a timeline for marriage? For example, we want to get married by age 25 and start a family by 27 or we desire to jump the broom by age 30 the latest and pop out a few rug rats by 35 and be done with it. But as the saying goes: ‘Man plan and God wipe out’. The best-laid plans go awry, and when they do, it can affect other aspects of our lives and we do not even recognise it.

Baby fever

Don’t be in a rush to get a ‘ring’.

Some women, when their timeline does not materialise, they get anxiety at the thought that they will possibly be alone for the rest of their lives. They overthink and overreact and make themselves sick with the idea that they will grow old without a companion. Now because Mr Right did not show up early does not mean that he will not ever show up. It just is not happening for you the way you had it all planned in your head. Just breathe, relax and work on yourself so that if and when it does, you are open and willing to receive it.

Another issue is that some women whose timelines pass tend to hear that proverbial biological clock ticking away in their ears and get baby fever to the point that they then change the plan and try to get pregnant by any man and any means necessary. If they cannot find a husband, they want to have a child who they believe will look after them in their old age. That is a selfish and sad reason to bring a child into this world.

Red flags

There is no set timeline for marriage.

Others go down another path and settle for men who they know are not right for them, just because they subscribe to the philosophy that ‘any man is better than no man at all’. They then end up with dudes who are just looking for a warm place to be and contribute nothing positive to the relationship. Settling is a recipe for a lifetime of heartache and disappointment because he will never show up when you need him to.

There is nothing wrong in waiting. We do not all have to be 25 and married. Some women wait and get married at 55 or even later and at that age you know what you want. When you are older you make more informed, rational decisions because you can spot the red flags a mile away. Never let book, the media or even what friends have going for them to influence you in making big decisions about your life. Be your best authentic self and walk your own path.

The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author. They do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of BUZZ or its employees.