How to get over an ex

After years together, you are now a lone-ranger as you have ended it with your partner. You are a bundle of mixed emotions and the way forward seems so saturated with potholes, you will need a map to navigate and you are dreading it.

Take your time in learning to adjust to your new normal of being single.

Getting back to being alone will not be easy since you did practically everything together. However, all is not lost and you will learn to smile again. Take your time to recover your equilibrium and heed the following strategies as you adjust to your new normal one day at a time. 

Image result for single black woman
  1. Stop calling them. The whole staying in touch bit will definitely not allow the wound to heal properly. You do not need to be friends during your healing process.
  2. Remove their stuff out of your periphery. Get serious and place all their clothing, personal items and stuff them in a big garbage bag and stuff them away in a closet or have them come get it. Do not sit and romanticise the memories associated with these objects
  3. Unfollow them on social media. The last thing you need to see is their big smiling face all over your phone screen, especially if they have clearly moved on to someone else
  4. Take down the pictures of the person or ones with both of you scattered around the house. The images are already forever saved in your memory so you do not need daily reminders of happier, sweeter times.
  5. Take up a hobby or get back to something that you have been neglecting for too long. Distract yourself and occupy your mind for a while in order, and block out the ‘coulda, woulda , shoulda’ thoughts.
  6. Get out the house. Go and enjoy some time alone in the great outdoors especially if it was a shared space. It might not be a bad idea to change around the apartment to give it a new look and feel either.
  7. Avoid the places you two frequented together. Give what used to be your special places a break for a bit. The familiarity of the places and the memories might be too jarring especially in the early stages of your breakup. It’s also an opportunity to discover new places to create new memories.
  8. Do not sit around playing sad love songs and crying. Tears are inevitable and crying can be a welcomed release but do not indulge in activities that keep you ‘all up in your feelings’. Ain’t no money there so do not linger.
  9. Avoid friends who keep on calling or telling you information about your ex. You can tell them nicely that you do not need to hear any of it and that you no longer care. If they keep calling with gossip and rumours, cut them off as they are blocking your healing from being completed.
  10. Write a letter to your ex stating how you are feeling once and for all. Get all the emotion, anger and bitterness out. Then go in your back yard and burn it. This is symbolic of you letting go of all that has affected you. Leave all the hurt in the ashes and rise again like the phoenix you are.