We all like to pride ourselves on being a good pal, a ‘ride or die’ kind of homie that has your friend’s back no matter what. You will be there as a wingman or woman, to pick them up off the floor if they pass out drunk, hold back their hair if they are throwing up and be a shoulder to cry on when they are emotional. Yeah, we all want to be that good a friend to the end.
However, there comes a time when we need to take a step back and let our friends stand up to their actions and not co-sign to things that are toxic or negative. Sometimes we have to learn to be an army of one and just say ‘no’.
Saying ‘no’ is empowering
Saying ‘no’ does not make you weak, it is actually empowering because you are learning to stand alone without the support of others. Whether it is to attend a function, lend a friend money or allow them to crash at your crib – you can say no and still be respectful. Make your point and just move on. You are not even obligated to explain your thoughts behind your word but if you choose to do so, fine.
Put rules in place
In order to keep things in perspective you need to set rules or boundaries so that when situations arise, you feel more comfortable saying ‘no’. If you have basic rules in place, it prevents you from being impulsive and agreeing to things at the spur of the moment or making decisions based on feelings or emotions.
If rules are in place, then you can regulate when and how often you say yes, therefore you do not overextend yourself and will not be exhausted and stretched too thin.
Learn to set limits
Set limits on your time and limits as well on who has access to you and for how long. Recognising that some people are just takers will be a huge breakthrough for you. That realization will make it a 100% easier to say ‘no’ and those who are always asking for favours will eventually play themselves out.
Do not feed that kind of energy as it is emotionally draining. Establish your priorities and stick to them. That way, when things and individuals come up who want to insert themselves into your life, who cannot fit seamlessly without you having to rearrange your schedule to accommodate them, then it should be a ‘no’ for you, without an apology.