Is it ok to date your friend’s ex?

Check this out: in 2015 you stopped dating Tyrone because he could not control the one-eyed snake that was slithering around in his trousers.

So after a year and a string of broken promises, you called it quits and gathered your best friend and a tub of ice cream to bawl, commiserate and watch Lifetime movies together as you both cuss out every male for being a furry four-legged creature that pees on fire hydrants and shags every available woman as if marking their territory.

As time heals all wounds, you eventually dusted yourself off, got a new hot hairstyle and an even newer and hotter beau and moved on.

Fast forward to present day and your bestie called you up to say she is coming over to talk. That bubbly gut feeling in the pit of your stomach said whatever she is coming with is not going to be good.

After much hand wringing, she finally blurted out that she was dating Tyrone your ex and she actually wants your blessing, suggesting that maybe some time soon you can all double date!

“While she may be a homie hopper, can you really throw away years of friendship over a man who is not even your man anymore?”

Your initial reaction is to tell her every choice fabric that Pings and Pablo’s sells as she is the first cousin to Judas Iscariot, but then you stop to think: do you really have the right to curse her out?

Granted she should have levelled with you about her interest in him but since she did not, what can you really do about the situation?

You can most definitely run her out of your home and out of your life in addition to calling her every vile and disgusting name you can find in the dictionary and even some that have not made it in there as yet. But after venting, does it change anything? Not really.

While she may be a homie hopper, can you really throw away years of friendship over a man who is not even your man anymore? Before you can consider any of that you need to examine if she really violated the friendship by dating your ex?

Do you cut her off and declare war on social media or do you take time to lick your wounds and realise that your past relationship is always just that – the past.

Some will say yes it was disrespectful on her part as she is putting her desire for a man thought to be off-limit over your friendship, hence she probably was never a true friend to begin with. 

In short, it is a betrayal of your trust.

A real friend would not put themselves in a position that would lead to dating the ex-lover of someone they called a sister.

However, others will argue that once that relationship ended, he was fair game. As long as she was not dating him when you guys were together, nothing is wrong with her seeing someone you once had a relationship with.

We would all want a ‘kumbaya’ moment, but the reality is a different matter. First of all, there will be awkwardness when you all have to cross paths.

Is he allowed to tag along to parties and events or will it be an unspoken rule for her to just not bring him around you?  Also, he now has intimate knowledge of both you and your friend in the bedroom and you may wonder if he does the comparisons in his head!

It is easy to say it would not be a problem but for most women, there are too many untenable factors at play to make it a situation to which they can truly say they are okay with it.

— Story written by C.W.