Is oral sex important in a relationship?

For many, oral sex is still not a given in a relationship and may come down to how they feel on a particular day or towards a particular partner.

Oral sex has gone from being taboo to a pretty openly discussed topic, but views remain mixed. Is it a deal breaker if one party is not ‘down’ ? Should you issue an ultimatum if you are unhappy with the state of you current love life or should you just walk away and find someone down for the cause? Though only the people in a relationship can decide what works for them, that has not stopped the debate from raging on.

Recently, a friend suggested that he would leave his partner because she refused to perform oral sex. But truly, is it really that serious?

While it’s seemingly more important to men to have oral sex performed on them, should it be a deal-breaker if it’s not in the cards?

An American clinical psychologist Kenedy Singer stated that for men it is almost something primal in nature hence it is one of the most important things to partake in sexually. He added that women will enjoy it but may overlook it if everything else in the relationship is going well. The reason for the difference he said is that men often choose a mate based on the sex (or the prospect of it) and then end up falling in love, while women go for a guy based on the feeling and if that sex happens to be great, that’s a bonus. The generalisation is a stretch but the claim, at the base level, is that men tend to focus on sex while women concentrate on love.

While personal feelings should never be forced on anyone, similarly acts of sex should always be consensual and not because one party wants it done. Oftentimes socialisation, religious beliefs and even guilt may play a part in how people perceive and relate to sex, even with someone they may have known for years. Whether we like it or not, oral sex will come down to individual decision, and how that choice affects the other’s role in the partnership.