It sucks… but maybe you aren’t sexually compatible

The fights and the name-calling have intensified, and now you are sleeping ‘head to toe’ because the smallest things said lead to big arguments. What started off so promising months ago has become a hotbed of resentments and hurt feelings, and neither one of you has any clue to how to fix it.

When asked why you’re quarrelling, you are both reluctant to air it. Finally, you give voice to what has been haunting you for weeks: You are not sexually compatible, and you do not know where to go from here.

Now that you have finally acknowledged it, you realise how much it has been weighing on you emotionally. While you were not virgins when you got together, you could only find a few stolen moments when your relatives were away or asleep in the middle the night to get ‘jiggy with it’. That means you never quite got your sexual roll on until you moved in together and had a whole house for yourself to run wild naked throughout and fornicate at leisure in wild abandon in every single room that you want as many times a day as you choose.

The problem is that what you thought would happen and your reality do not compute. You thought you would be living your best life and be as wild and free as you want, but the reality is that your partner is not as sexually open as you would want. The sexy fireman outfit you bought him has been sitting in the box unused, as he is not comfortable wearing it even in the privacy of your bedroom. In fact, he wants the lights off when you are having intercourse because he says he is not comfortable with his body.

Wait, there is more. Your incompatibility has extended to how often you both want to have sex. You will get down every day several times a day as long as you do not have to work. However, your mate is happy to do it one or two times for the week. Worse, he wants to schedule it on what he calls ‘special days’ of the week. Oh, come on now. Who schedules sex?! What have you gotten yourself into?

All of this would have been good intelligence to have before you signed that lease. While it is a huge challenge, it is not insurmountable. You have to start communicating what you want, and both parties must commit to taking small baby steps or incremental changes to meet each other in the middle. You will have to turn down you freak meter while his will have to be dialled up a notch on occasion. He will need to get that fireman outfit out of the box and on his body at least one month to warm up to the idea that he can give you what you desire and still be comfortable.

— Written by C.W.

The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author. They do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of BUZZ or its employees.