At 19-years-old, Pop star lady Gaga was raped and left pregnant.
Lady Gaga whose real name is Stefani Germanotta shared the traumatic experience in an appearance on the premiere episode of “The Me You Can’t See,” a new docuseries co-created by Prince Harry and Oprah Winfrey that aims to tackle the stigma around mental health.
Speaking through tears, an emotional Gaga recalled the moment an unnamed producer demanded she took her clothes off before threatening to burn her music.
“I was 19 years old, and I was working in the business, and a producer said to me, ‘Take your clothes off,'” she said.
“And I said no. And I left, and they told me they were going to burn all my music. And they didn’t stop. They didn’t stop asking me, and then I just froze and I just … I don’t even remember.”
Relaying the lasting pain that experience had on her, she said she was diagnosed with PTSD years later after going to the hospital for chronic pain.
“First, I felt full-on pain, then I went numb. Then I was sick for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks after,” she explained. “And I realized it was the same pain I felt when the person who raped me dropped me off pregnant on the corner, at my parents’ house, because I was vomiting, and sick. Because I’d been being abused, I was locked away in a studio for months.”
Her struggle in dealing with the traumatic experience culminated in a psychotic break in 2018 to 2019.
“I had a total psychotic break, and for a couple years, I was not the same girl,” she said. Revealing that she canceled a string concert dates on her Joanne World Tour.
“First, I felt full-on pain, then I went numb. Then I was sick for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks after.”— Lady Gaga
She said the experience also triggers her to self harm. “It’s a really very real thing to feel like there’s a black cloud following you wherever you go, telling you that you’re worthless and should die. And I used to scream and throw myself against the wall.”
But now she’s speaking out against self-harming.
“You know why it’s not good to cut? You know why it’s not good to throw yourself against the wall? You know why it’s not good to self-harm? Because it makes you feel worse. You think you’re going to feel better because you’re showing somebody, ‘Hey, look, I’m in pain.’ It doesn’t help. I always tell people ‘Tell somebody, don’t show somebody.’
The now 35-year-old Gaga said she is healing by “trying to make sure I give back with that experience, instead of, I don’t know, locking it away and faking it.”