Looks or personality …do we have to choose?

What would happen if you met a great man who opens your car door, lends you his phone to make calls, introduces you to his family and friends and pays you unsolicited compliments unsolicited?

You are over-the-moon happy and can see the relationship progressing to the next level but there is just one tiny problem: Him nuh cute! Not cute at all…

In fact, that may be putting it mildly as he has a face best seen through Snapchat filters. So now you have a dilemma. Do you seek love or are his physical features more important?

Can you look beyond his unattractiveness to find your Prince Charming?

No matter the era, the socio-economic background, the ethnicity, religious or political status, it is a question that will always be relevant. Centuries ago, females had little or no choice in the matter. Many were forced into arranged marriages with wrinkled and shrivelled men sometimes three times their age as a ‘good marriage’ was seen as one that preserved wealth, pedigree and an impeccable bloodline. Love and attraction were not even on the table.

What we get at first glance is just an impression, not the sum total of the person.

In earlier days, some young girls were taught by their mothers to marry the men who loved them and not the men they loved as that guaranteed that they would never have their hearts broken.

So, even if the man had the striking features of Quasimodo, was cross-eyed or if his teeth were leaning towards fifty shades of yellow, they should just work with it and put on a smile.

Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame

This piece of advice is particularly hard to swallow if as a teen, you stocked up on Harlequin romance books and Mills and Boon novels, which gave a false sense of what is an acceptable male partner. We read about hard, chiselled bodies and faces like Greek Gods, which may have actually ruined us for the average Joe. So are we letting good men slip through our fingers because of our rose-tinted glasses?

Were women lured into making unreasonably high expectations of what Mr Right should look like?

While good looks do go a far way in making a good first impression, in the end, what we get at first glance is just an impression, not the sum total of the person. If we are totally honest with ourselves as women, many of the men we’ve dated in the past, who were good-looking, turned out to be the biggest jerks.

Good looks build self-assurance and self-esteem and that is always a great quality in both young males and females.

There are several reasons good looks are important – listed among them is to sell magazines and fuel beauty contests. It also breathes life into the fashion industry and if we are totally honest, nobody wants to be greeted by a receptionist who is hard to look at. Good looks build self-assurance and self-esteem and that is always a great quality in both young males and females.  The problem begins, however, when that is the only attribute that is lauded or considered valuable.

We can concede that it is ultimately easier to look at a pretty face but what happens when all someone has to go is that face? Is it enough to establish and build a relationship? If this was really so, why then do pretty women or handsome men get cheated on or why do their partners get bored after discovering that they bring nothing else to the table?

It would seem then, that being beautiful does not solve all of life’s problems. It certainly will not stop them from ageing. This is where life finally begins to evenly distribute some of its harshest favours, as sagging skin, age spots, varicose veins and wrinkles are equal opportunity haters.

Additionally, beauty cannot mask idiocy, a nasty streak, cruelty, shallowness, insensitivity or just a foul character. Therefore, when you strip away the layers of a human being, what is left should be someone you want to come home to each day because their inner being is warm and welcoming.

A person’s character should always trump cuteness.

As you grow older you will no longer care that he was not 6-feet tall and needed braces in high school or that his nose still takes up half his face. It has become a face that you’ve grown to love because every morning he makes you smile.

“Beauty fades but stupid lasts forever!”

Judge Judy

For anyone with half a brain and an average IQ, a person’s character should always trump cuteness, as only babies and puppies should be considered cute. You cannot build a relationship on how cute a guy is, because if he has no job, no bank account, no place to live, has ten children with seven baby mammas and a prison record longer than Andrew Holness’ cut stone wall, he is not that cute anymore!

Character and personality should be more valuable because as TV’s Judge Judy always states, “Beauty fades but stupid lasts forever!”

What matters more to you when choosing a partner? Looks or personality?

Tell us at BUZZ.