‘Pickney nah hold man again’… is that really true?

Some women believe that a man will stick around once a child is in the picture.

Artistes sing about it, washerwomen talk about it and even in uptown polite circle people discuss it: The issue of whether or not men stick around because they have a child with a woman. Old-time people used to bluntly state that “pickney nah hold man again”, yet this has not stopped countless desperate women from getting pregnant with the hopes that their partners will stay in the relationship, if only for the sake of the child. But is the old adage true? Will a man who is a rolling stone or just not happy in a union, whether legal or common law, stick around because his woman presented him with a bouncing bundle of joy?

Cutting all ties

Unfortunately, old-time people were not wrong. Even married men walk out of their relationships when their wives are pregnant or already have two or three children at home who need them. Having a child will never be enough of a motive for some men to stick around, even though they share the responsibility for bringing that life into this world. Sometimes they are not even a cheque or an occasional giver. They just cut all ties as if they are in malice with the child, as well as the mother.

Some men will take care of their responsibilities, but others won’t.

While the men have absconded their responsibilities, women sometimes need to take the blame for believing that having a child will bring them closer as a couple and even strengthen their union. What, in fact, happens often is just the opposite. If they were having major issues and problems before, pregnancy and the added responsibility of another mouth to feed may seem overwhelming to a man who does not want to be tied down in any way. If he does not care about you enough to treat you right what makes you think he will care about you enough now to do the right thing and step up?

Plotting and scheming

Having a child should be a mutual decision made by both parties. When a woman resorts to plotting and schemes and doing silly things like boring holes into condoms or stop taking birth control without his knowledge or consent, believe it or not, the relationship is already doomed. She just does not know it as yet.   

If a man has never communicated to a woman his feelings about having a child, and she just assumed that because they are having intercourse that if a baby comes, he will step up, there will be disastrous consequences. You have to be on the same page BEFORE the child in order for its arrival to seem to the man as a blessing and not a burden.