The first year of marriage can be tough

Whether you are traditional in your beliefs or you tend to throw caution to the wind, marriage will be an adjustment for anyone, and the first year with your partner might be the hardest.

Two individuals coming together with different values, backgrounds, philosophies and opinions has never been an easy feat. And in today’s complex society, marriages seem to have gotten even more complicated.

Suddenly, you must decide how to juggle two careers and figure out if you are going to have babies right away or wait a few years. You will be sharing spaces and expenses, and friends and in-laws will be merged. All of these changes can give you an instant headache.

However, do not be disheartened. If you can make it through the first year with all the personal quirks, idiosyncrasies, bad habits and personality clashes, you can make it for a lifetime.

Firstly, you have got to let go of unrealistic expectations. It will not be blissful peaches and cream. You are going to have disagreements and even fights. That does not mean you do not love each other, and it certainly does not mean you will be getting a divorce before the ink is dry on your marriage certificate. All it means is that you are human, and no two beings agree on everything. Try not to make the spates nasty, and always avoid the name-calling.

Secondly, your partner will disappoint you. It happens. That does not make him or her is an ogre. It makes them human. It could be something as simple as forgetting to pay the light bill on time or a more serious infraction like sharing personal information with a friend or family member. Before you blow up at them, find out why they broke your trust and try to communicate how it made you feel. If you tend to get emotional when you speak, put it in a letter so that you can channel this emotion without going off track.

The third thing is that your spouse can’t read your mind. If you have something to say, just say it, hopefully in a respectful manner. Do not sit and sulk and say ‘fine’ when things are clearly not fine. If they did something that troubled or upset you, share what it is and ask them not to do it again. Ignoring the errors and praying it won’t happen again is a silly solution. 

Written by C.W.

The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author. They do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of BUZZ or its employees.