What to do when the love runs out

Relationships can be difficult and when they start getting tough, not everyone is equipped to handle the potential fallout.

You look at him and no longer feel those butterflies. He looks at you and cannot find that spark. Conversations are mundane and functionary; the kisses have no real passion and even the sex has become something of little more than physical release.

You have disengaged; you feel dejected and are just about ready to hit the ‘off’ switch on the union. But before you walk away, you at least owe it to yourself and your partner to explore every possible option available before you quit

Talking about the things that make you angry or sad can be the first step towards rekindling the fire that once existed.

The first thing to do is sit down with the person and have an honest conversation; one that holds no accusations, where you can express how you are feeling. The truth may hurt today but better now than years down the road when the resentment is so thick you can cut it with a steak knife.

Say what’s on your mind but don’t be mean-spirited and nasty.  After getting the emotions out of the way, state what you want from the relationship that you are not getting. For example, you can express “I want you to tell me that I’m beautiful like you used to” or “remember when you used to leave me little notes on the dresser every morning, I miss that.” This is the first step towards rekindling the fire because it may not be extinguished.

Speaking to a professional could be helpful in addressing problems that you are unable to fix together.

Sometimes you need reinforcements but this should not be family members and friends because they are rarely neutral and may want to contribute their two cents which will just pour gasoline on the issues. Keep those people out of your love life.

Go see a counsellor who is not only a trained professional but who does will come from a perspective that potentially offers new insight.

A trial separation is not for everyone, but knowing how you feel when not in each other’s space could be helpful.